i liED, i cHEatED… “tHe tEll iT aLL”

It’s gonna be a long read try sticking to the end… And I’m gonna be blunt on this one!

I grew up in the ghettos of Jos, a good kid with core values (yeah I was raised by my mother). I used to be so shy chicks were like neon lights, I had to stop and stare from a distance before putting away my face whenever I saw one. But along the line something dramatic happened and all that changed, how I got  transformed still remains a clueless journey to my brain but all of a sudden I grew from that reserved, shy, not so talking kid to this outgoing, funny, and goofing around kid that sometimes had to be called to order by my cousins… Lol. 

So here’s my story… 

Now I have a Girlfriend, everything I ever needed in a woman is buried like gold in this supernatural being, and thinking back now I’d say, love found us. I didn’t fight much like I always had to do to convince her to stay, but she’d been around ever since I made that commitment to keep her by my side. She’s beautiful, funny, smart, goofy, intelligent, listens to everything I ever have to say and it doesn’t matter the time or place or what kind of mood she’s in, she just listens. She’s been there when those tears ran, when I felt ashamed of letting water come out my eyes while she watched; she’d say “It’s OK just let them, you don’t have to worry about that; I got you,” squeezing me tightly to herself. 

My highest moments came and the first person I wanted to tell was her, good or bad she’d always had words that made me feel safe; she’d never cheated on me to this day, she’d been true and sincere, and she always tells a brother those words that we love to hear “I love you babe,” and says it until those words fall gently on the skin penetrating deeply beneath, hitting the bones before finally dying in a brother’s heart, she held nothing back! 

But did I stab her in the back, did I take all of her trust for granted? Maybe I did, maybe I thought this day would never come, but my telltale blushes sold me out; I was helpless when it all started. From one, to another, and another, then another until now I have about four side chicks… I feel so ashamed of myself saying this in front of the world but if that helps me put off my guilty face, then I’m ready to be the author of “the tell it all” story.

I met her while I was in Remedials, young, beautiful she was a jewel and a fair one, nothing serious we were just friends. I thought I could keep her only as that, in those sack clothings, but she wanted more so she drifted. I hadn’t any skills of taming a wild horse so instead, I got tamed by the wild horse. She opened up the door to my cheating and by my first year things got intense. It came with a tornado kind of force, I didn’t have the strength to push it back but I didn’t get out of the way either. I stood still when I could’ve ran, and when I should’ve said no I said yes, and that’s where it all began.

I told her about my Girlfriend in a bid to put her off but to my amazement she was cool; she was OK with being the second class citizen so we kept every shit under the radar, never got caught. She knows how much I loved being innovative and would see me through every thought process. She helped me crest a title to my name. I’ve invested time, energy and money into our secret relationship but for every kobo spent, I got a double, and every once in a while, my flat wallet gets puffed up. She tells me “As long as I’m here, you’ll never miss a thing even when your job doesn’t pay.” I’ve told you this before, “l’ll always be here.” She is open and lovely and knows just exactly how to treat a man. She was the first of them all, my first fling, the first of my guilty nightmares.

Now my second side chick, we share a love-hate kind of relationship. The type you’d refer to as the “It’s complicated” type. We fight all the time for no darn reason and fall back in love again, she knows the things I hate but still does them anyway, she won’t stop not even when I want her to, but then again on the flip side, she knows how to love me more than anyone else, she’s Bae… She’s that complexity that defines a woman. And just when I think I’ve had her all figured out like a Rubik’s cube, a new coloured cube just pops up open and I’m left to deal with it all over again. She’s an enigma and from what planet she fell? I really don’t know, but as alien-like as she is, I still keep her close… Making love to this sensual being is like one made in paradise, not of this world. I can’t leave her even when I want to, her lips are like poison to my soul, and at the brush of it, the salve runs through my veins faster than a vipers venom, until my brain shuts down completely. 

Then my third, the cool headed one, she gives me peace. Whenever I have a problem I run to her, always has ears for me. She reminds me of my Girlfriend sort of, but she barely speaks and even when I talk from now till the next morning, she’s always ready to hear me out. She might not have all the solutions to my problems, but, at least she let’s me figure it out myself. She makes me think outside the box. Gives me course to research until I got to the root of it, she helps me be a man of my own all by myself. It was her idea, but she’d rather I take the center stage while she lurks in the shadows. It was always all about me. 

And lastly, my fourth, my behind the counter chick. I don’t do much alcohol, I only drink when I’m around friends, just a bottle or two and I’m out, next will be in a couple of months so this, she only comes around when I drink. But then anytime she comes around, she leaves memories that last for eons. She knows how to perfectly connect. And I’m not just talking me, you’d have to notice her ethereal beauty and charisma, she has this persona that is so revealing with a wonderful panache to match. She’s the life of the party like it as not, and each time we’re together, I almost never exist, and it’s like I’m invisible cos you only see her, maybe after a while you just notice this creepy little guy beside her who you wonder how the heck in the world these two got together and came to be in the first place, and the worst part… She’s my side chick! 

I’d gotten frisky with these women, had and shared beautiful moments together, but this is just another day in the life of Snowball, a day “I chose to let it all out.” For those of you who are so disappointed in me (I know a whole lot are), I’m sorry but I’m not perfect, (I know you’re probably reading this Girly but I couldn’t tell it to your face), sorry I let you down, but it’s who I am and I can’t change that.

To the most beautiful Girlfriend in the world (music), you know I love you to the moon baBe, you’re irreplaceable and you know it. Now I’m not trying to be manipulative but what we share is one that cannot be measured, we are invincible and nothing can stop us, we’re heading for the stars. We’d be the fist couple to ever live in it… And I just wanna say “I’m sorry!”

And to my side chicks ARcHiteCtuRe, POetRy, wRiTinG, and paiNtinG in that order, I love you beautiful ladies too, but only as side chicks and conques. I’d do anything for you, take you to the Caribbeans, buy you all the good stuff; diamonds and pearls just about anything, but then again truth is, I can never leave her for you… Music? She’s my life! And it’s like we’re married already, so I can’t sign the divorce papers, I’m sorry!!!


The Client

Three weeks ago I was in this popular eatery (everyone knows that eatery but I ain’t saying…) I knew they’d have light cos yeah NEPA just did damage and I couldn’t spend another minute sitting over the house doing nothing. So I picked up my bag and my lil mobile office (laptop) and I zoomed off.

I got there and it was a bit rowdy upstairs, a couple of guys like myself who had stuff hanging around their necks like bounties were also there before me, well of course I found myself a spot and ordered the drink, it was Chapman for sure… Oh I love that drink.

So I kicked off, my studio design needed to get done soonest and while on that table, this man in his late 40s walked up to me and asked if he could join me. Why not I answered tis a public place after all, so he sat and since he wasn’t one to shush for 2 minutes he kept throwing the questions, finally he said “this world is a small place” he grabbed my clutch pencil and began to sketch horribly just after I told him what I studied in the university.

In my mind I was thinking oh no not now you don’t want me to design your house Sir? But then again I need the pay cos it sure would fill up some loopholes I already have in my wallet. Whatever mehn i’mma hustler I again told myself. In as much as time isn’t my friend right now, I guess I’m about to make him one. He gave me his brief and said I’d see you in… two weeks I sealed his big mouth with. OK then he said.
Two weeks came faster than a bullet and before I said jack! Tomorrow was our meeting and I had studio submission just a day before, of course I couldn’t touch his design and neither did I finish my studio. And on Saturday I found myself trying to burst a plan to show this client who buzzed my phone for close to 10 times within those two weeks. He called me up at 5pm and asked to meet in 30 mins, no p man, I’d be ready.
I was pleased with self and was optimistic he was gonna like what I had for him, I wasn’t wrong either. He came with his beautiful wife and yeah jury went on just fine…lol. We meet up in two weeks again young man.

Its two weeks and here I am trapped in this cab a hundred and thirty kilometres away from Jos and the worst part, I ain’t ready!!! How’d this happen? Last night I just couldn’t do anything, was it fatigue I really don’t know but mehn my brain was too weak for any fresh ideas as I lay on the rug in my room with a mouse in my hand while listening to Cold Play… I listened until I slept off, forced myself back up, still couldn’t do a thing and went back to Venus; Mars? Wherever I can’t remember…

My bulgy eyes flipped open and it was 5:42 am, I gotta be in church by 6:30 after which I’d begin my trip to go meet Mr. Magnus. In my head everything was gonna be fine, I’d leave Lafia by 9:30 tops, I reach Jos at say uhmmm 2 in case of traffic and in 4 hours I should be ready for my Client.
Church went well and we came out just in time, I strolled to the ATM and my darn money refused me vision claiming to be in my pocket already, but how what!!!! I yelled no way!!! That’s my…. Shit!!!
Now everyone I know was in church and now I can’t get on that bus without cash, now I’m stranded and will have to wait 2-3 hours before I could reach someone. I called but no one’s picking, they’re in church mehn just like I insinuated. A few minutes before 2pm my phone rang, it was my man to the rescue. I left for the park asap and it’s been an hour thirty minutes since we commenced the short trip. Just half way down, and it’ll be almost 6pm before we hit town. I might reach early enough for me to meet my client but the question is, can I show him something or simply put, is that 3D presentable??? It would have been if only i had the house painted just like he suggested the last time. And yes the road just got blurry… the rains are here…Darn!!!