I’m Not The Man In The Mirror, But Who Is???

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That is not me, I see a different man, one who doesn’t care about the pit anymore. He knows he’s gonna fall but unlike his old self he now graciously jumps off the cliff regardless…

But then I ask, what happened to him; what went wrong? Then again I realise that maybe, many days of guilty feelings and constant emotional pressure got him here…

Now ruthless and a lost soul in the world fighting ferociously to have his life back, at least so he could recognise the man in the mirror; the one he used to know; one that gave him every reason to smile, live, and of course love again.

But where could that man be? Has he become of the world, or does he reside still inside this man standing in front of the mirror? Look closely, and you just might find him… right where you stand!!!

The man in the mirror!

What’s In That Big Open Space… – That Blue???

What’s In That Big Open Space… – That Blue???
I came outside my room after about 30minutes aerobics at my lobby to get some air; some natural air i.e outside before having a shower to wipe off the sweat off my skin, I took a seat on my neighbour’s giant generator breathing heavily and after just a few seconds, my eyes were up gazing at this beauty… this beautiful sky which soon afterwards gave rise to these questions...

I looked deep into the sky, looked South looked up North, looked West looked far East but there was no end to it, all I could see was space; wide open space. Was I really expecting to see anything? A UFO maybe…lol but no there was nothing!! Maybe that premeditation prompted the bigger question “what’s in my open space”? I look at myself most times with a third eye, wondering what lies ahead in my tenebrific realm especially when it seems a little bit rough on the inside, that time when everything seems to be caving in with you sticking your arm right up hoping someone would just grab it lest you get buried beneath the surface.

In about five minutes just  before getting up to take a shower-step, I noticed a relieving smile on my face, think I found the answer, answer to that question  I was asking a few minutes ago, what’s lying in that open space must be something exceedingly beautiful else why can we not see it? It had to be I thought cos if it be nothing then there was no reason hiding it from us, guess that’s why God had to just let the beautiful sky cover us and leave us with the just-imagine effect. Then again I thought that my dreams, me, my relationship, my future is thusly beautiful, outrageously since I can’t see it. I can only live with the excitement that comes with it and the feeling of fulfilment it gives me.

Certain things give me that push every day and enough reasons not to break, encouragements from self, beautiful people around me who give me soul lifting words every now and then I couldn’t let them down let alone myself even when I step into that dark planet. I’ve always found a way to turn darkness into light and that sadness into gladness, one of the reasons why I always want to walk home after work every day no matter how tiring or tasking the day was, it is my way of relaxing so don’t come jumping on me trying to give me a lift home (lol at least not now since I’m only a few meters away from the office), I’ve always rejected that kind gesture with a warm smile hoping to diddle them with it and its always worked out for me (thanks to my beautiful smiles hehe… ). Each time I see my bosses taking a ride home my prayer begins; oh please don’t ask me to hop into your ride plsssss….lol. And after a few seconds with a smile I say, thank God.

It’s beautiful when you find something to fall back to after a long day; something that brings you back alive, something that awakens your spirit and makes you the beautiful human being that God created you for, cos if darkness was good and was the whole nine yards, then there wouldn’t have been such a thing called day, everywhere would have been locked in it with no traces of light but since we have them in equal share, then its only right to share and enjoy in that big open space everyone has, it is for us to dwell in and always remain hopeful. I don’t know about y’all but, my big open space is BEAUTIFUL!!!

Hello…

Hello…

It’s been quite some time, and I was just wondering if you’re still there the way I left you? That purple rose with an exotic heady fragrance. You know I’d always loved to smell you every morning, at least before the sun comes out…

Hello…

Are you still there? I hope your petals still blossom and nothing short? These fingers would love to run through them because they always spark life. But when they don’t, let me create music in them with these same fingers…

Hello…

My name is… ow it’s still me! Is there someone to cheer you up during those moody stressful days when you’d say to me …”I had a rough day”? My name would change to euphoria if they’re able to strike a muscle with just a word, forcing a smile out of your well-sculpted-fragile lips…

Hello…

It’s still me speaking! I don’t know but do you still think of me like you used to? I’m in this beautiful city of Jos, and everything here reminds me of you, remember there’s a word here that best describes you and I don’t have to reiterate that again but maybe it was just a thought, but the thing here is I’m thinking maybe I’m alone on this road… just thinking!

Hello…

I… You care for a glass of smoothie? (What are you doing she’s not here… shhhh!) Oh sorry! Just that I’ve made this countless times hoping that maybe one day you’d get to taste how horrible they are… or maybe you’d love them just like I do?

Hello…

…. ….

Did you see that Angel? Standing there covered in beautiful heavenly wings almost blinding my eyes with her illuminating halo…

Hello…

Do still you still have those conversations deep into the night? Since you went away I could barely hold one longer than my whiskers.

Hello…

Uhmmmm never mind!!! (…just say i……t) not important!!! I’d just let it go.

Hello…

I saw a shooting Star… (I always see one, how lucky 🙂 ). Here’s a thing, each time I see one, a smile covers my face leaving me in awe and shortly afterwards, the wish comes. Happy bubbles fill my brain, consume it, and leave me brainless. But then I realise how all the more beautifully crested you are even in that state… Mentally satisfied I am, leaving the dream in my head, physically fit and free, lips to the side and heads still up I look into the deep and say… The sky is beautiful, thusly; heaven must be something else… And every moment with you felt like this!

Hello…!!!

The Client

Three weeks ago I was in this popular eatery (everyone knows that eatery but I ain’t saying…) I knew they’d have light cos yeah NEPA just did damage and I couldn’t spend another minute sitting over the house doing nothing. So I picked up my bag and my lil mobile office (laptop) and I zoomed off.

I got there and it was a bit rowdy upstairs, a couple of guys like myself who had stuff hanging around their necks like bounties were also there before me, well of course I found myself a spot and ordered the drink, it was Chapman for sure… Oh I love that drink.

So I kicked off, my studio design needed to get done soonest and while on that table, this man in his late 40s walked up to me and asked if he could join me. Why not I answered tis a public place after all, so he sat and since he wasn’t one to shush for 2 minutes he kept throwing the questions, finally he said “this world is a small place” he grabbed my clutch pencil and began to sketch horribly just after I told him what I studied in the university.

In my mind I was thinking oh no not now you don’t want me to design your house Sir? But then again I need the pay cos it sure would fill up some loopholes I already have in my wallet. Whatever mehn i’mma hustler I again told myself. In as much as time isn’t my friend right now, I guess I’m about to make him one. He gave me his brief and said I’d see you in… two weeks I sealed his big mouth with. OK then he said.
Two weeks came faster than a bullet and before I said jack! Tomorrow was our meeting and I had studio submission just a day before, of course I couldn’t touch his design and neither did I finish my studio. And on Saturday I found myself trying to burst a plan to show this client who buzzed my phone for close to 10 times within those two weeks. He called me up at 5pm and asked to meet in 30 mins, no p man, I’d be ready.
I was pleased with self and was optimistic he was gonna like what I had for him, I wasn’t wrong either. He came with his beautiful wife and yeah jury went on just fine…lol. We meet up in two weeks again young man.

Its two weeks and here I am trapped in this cab a hundred and thirty kilometres away from Jos and the worst part, I ain’t ready!!! How’d this happen? Last night I just couldn’t do anything, was it fatigue I really don’t know but mehn my brain was too weak for any fresh ideas as I lay on the rug in my room with a mouse in my hand while listening to Cold Play… I listened until I slept off, forced myself back up, still couldn’t do a thing and went back to Venus; Mars? Wherever I can’t remember…

My bulgy eyes flipped open and it was 5:42 am, I gotta be in church by 6:30 after which I’d begin my trip to go meet Mr. Magnus. In my head everything was gonna be fine, I’d leave Lafia by 9:30 tops, I reach Jos at say uhmmm 2 in case of traffic and in 4 hours I should be ready for my Client.
Church went well and we came out just in time, I strolled to the ATM and my darn money refused me vision claiming to be in my pocket already, but how what!!!! I yelled no way!!! That’s my…. Shit!!!
Now everyone I know was in church and now I can’t get on that bus without cash, now I’m stranded and will have to wait 2-3 hours before I could reach someone. I called but no one’s picking, they’re in church mehn just like I insinuated. A few minutes before 2pm my phone rang, it was my man to the rescue. I left for the park asap and it’s been an hour thirty minutes since we commenced the short trip. Just half way down, and it’ll be almost 6pm before we hit town. I might reach early enough for me to meet my client but the question is, can I show him something or simply put, is that 3D presentable??? It would have been if only i had the house painted just like he suggested the last time. And yes the road just got blurry… the rains are here…Darn!!!

One Day We’d All Turn Dust, But Before Then…

Its no news again to hear the death of a friend or family member, hasn’t been a cease fire for some time now and the list just keeps going… Endless. This year’s just half way down and it has the highest number of people i know now dead. I lost a couple of childhood friends, and this year i lost another.

Andy was ma hommie, we hung and played together in the sun and in the rain, riding on bikes and tires rolling into the fields and back home with black engine oil all over our black skin, don’t even know where we got the oil from. But there was this thing about Andy, while we were kids you couldn’t tell if he was crying or laughing cos they sound just the same and after a few tears, we’d start making fun of him…

He left Jos for Lagos on a hustle trying to find a better life, just like me Andy also had dreams of being a rapper, I remember him at my house spitting a few rhymes he’d just written or recorded, thusly, the trip to Lagos was in line with that. Don’t know if that dream still stuck before he passed but last time we spoke it seems so and while scrolling down my phone i saw his name and i was like yo, haven’t heard from this dude in a while so i dialed his number and we spoke and he talked about the music thing still. But that was the last time i heard from Andy…. Andy died my age, he couldn’t see thirty three just a few months away – September. He slipped in the bathroom and cracked his skull, and his life was cut short.

In all of these, I realise how short our lives could be and how quick we could vanish and be forgotten, i ain’t perfect just like the popular cliche but still i live, but again its by God’s grace, the priest said the other day in Mass, if you wake up every morning, open your eyes and find yourself alive, know that God isn’t done with you yet.

I guess he’s not finished with me yet cos today, this morning I opened my eyes and yet again I live, but again by grace…

The Hustle!!

This is for you if you’re a vulcanizer, this again is for you the water seller, and a big one for you, those who hustle hard the right way just to put food on the table no matter how small a thing you get… I’m at the rear view watching saying “I sincerely appreciate you” even if no one else does.

I’ve watched keenly all these folks I mentioned, and sometimes I imagine what goes on in their minds like are they really happy, and even when a mai ruwa brings me water the kind of gratitude he expresses just makes me wonder shutting me in a tenebrific atmosphere cos I’m unable to really discern their personas or should I say I want to feel different rather than the natural feeling that comes to me.

At some point in my life I’ve had cause to push trucks and I know that it’s a game of strength first, then skill and for these guys that’s the way to roll, we all know that they’ll have to give up that hustle as they advance in age like it as not, but what baffles me the most is that spirit of contentment they seem to have, they’ve chosen to have a good life and not being a nuisance to the society. Yes a few of them indulge in some obnoxious lifestyles but most just choose to be clean. And likewise the labourers we sometimes meet on site, those hard working men and women we often times meet on the streets that help us in a way or two as we also pay them for services rendered. I always end mine with a thank you even after paying them cos I appreciate whatever it is they just did for me, people are like why saying thank you when you paid for the service already? And am like yeah but he also had the right to say no I cant do that for you but instead chose to say yes. I may be wrong on that but that’s the way I see it.

One thing remains in my heart; I hope they’re happy doing those things that they do and living a good life just as I am happy writing this or when I draw or do music. I lay on my back and think that maybe, they do what they do because they don’t have much of a choice, but I then again I try to convince myself, I hope it’s not true.

I respect what you do no matter what your hustle is as long as you didn’t allow the hard life or poverty determine for you what kinda life you ought to live. You chose to live a good life by doing the right thing, and maybe you earn just little over a dollar or less a day, maybe you’re happy regardless, and just maybe again you are a Nigerian, today I say to you, someone appreciates you, and that person is me…