tHe deCisiON…

There comes a time when everything begins to make sense, blurry images become clear again, lost memories come back alive, flashes become stale and darkness disappears until light consumes it all…

And that’s when you just wake up and you realize you’ve been living in a dream all along cos this right here my friend, this is reality.

I’d been trapped in that dream for close to two decades now (darn that’s a long time mehn) and I just got up, I’m glad I was pricked to, some people live in that dream all their lives; they never wake up.

There were things I’d kept a deaf ear at for so long, little things I thought didn’t matter much, but then recently I realised those things actually defined me and who I was to myself, you know it’s like letting your spirit come out your body so you can look at your whole entity, scan it through and see you in detail, with all the blemishes, pain, and happiness that make up your persona.

Something like an antivirus scanning through your computer for viruses? That’s when you begin to see what you wanna take out and try to change about yourself, what habits you’re willing to allow and which ones you wanna purge, and what new programs (habits) you wanna install.

It gets to that point and maybe it got to me hard this time, cos I’ve had course to make the hardest deCisiON, one that would soon define who I am, and one I’m willing to live with. One I can look me in the mirror and be proud, one that pulls me closer to my dreams, and one that makes me!!!

April 22, ’17

1:28 am

tHe GiRl I’m GOnna maRRy…

I was walking back home from the office the other day and as I did, I asked meself, what if the girl I finally get to settle down with doesn’t like POetRy? In my mind I was already hysterical as I walked along the sidewalk, it was all I thought about in my long 15minute walk on an average speed of a hundred steps per minute… Hehehe. On a normal day that was uber fast but today wasn’t one of such lucky slow days, I was so impatient and wanted to start writing.

For starters, I’m still single, and searching hard cos I miss being in lOvE, my last love story didn’t last long so I’ve been back around single for what, two years? Yeah and I’ve been in love with the same girl ever since (yeah I get it, but hey keep your voice down, I could hear you telling me to get a life and move on already, you’re that loud… Lol).

But have I really searched? Hmmmmm maybe not hard enough and I think in my two years of being sober (yeah not with the booze… Lol), I’ve met two girls who would have made me get all romantic and emotional again cos I’ve actually forgotten how, but somehow I lost contact with one and the other well, it didn’t just work out right so I kinda fell all in with my first love – music!

In all but one of my past relationships, they never really liked my music thing like they had some kind of a rivalry or something going on which got me thinking they never liked rap until I found them rapping to Eminem and I’m like “Yo’i thought you didn’t like rap?” Hmmmmm or maybe you never really liked me cos the awful face you put out didn’t need someone to say, “hands down” hommie, she’s just not into your Hip Hop thang.

But the last one, my ex, remember, the one I’m still in lOvE with? (Oh I thought you forgot lol) OK so back to the story, at least showed interest and even calls me “rapper” sometimes, and to some degree liked my rap, (loves my writing, and is probably reading this now), and also is enthusiastic about my music, kinda cool if you ask me, but the penultimate one I thought did, a pebble dropped in the river, and the ripple effect just told me how phoney she’d been – (😔).

So all that got me thinking, just maybe… Maybe the woman I’m gonna marry won’t even like my cooking or she’d be so good a chef that she’ll think my cooking sucks! Maybe she wouldn’t like POetRy, or won’t even like it when I get all romantic on her with a gift box I made just for her or have her portrait paiNtinG hanging on the wall, or she might just think my rap song’s wack too… Yeah, and well it’ll be okay not to like all those cos I’ll still do them anyway.

I imagine wRiTinG a poem and having no one to read it to, or wRiTinG a song or a paiNtinG she’d never get to hear/ see or hang on her wall…

I’m not saying it’s gonna be that way but I’m just asking questions like what if she loves me but not what I do? (and maybe this should be the subject to my next song lol).

So well I’m just saying it’s okay if you don’t like all them things, but it only means I’ll have to figure out how to do them in a way that you’re gonna like or find things that interest you and don’t worry if POetRy, raP, paiNtinG, or cOOkinG isn’t one of them… It only means we’ll have to explore the outskirts

lOvE you to the moon baBes, and where are you sef? Cos I’m still trying to find you!

My GPS got me lost in the woods…